


Tuliro

by cookietower



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookietower/pseuds/cookietower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I thought wrongly of you once, and I am never going to make the same mistake again. Because while it worked the first time I met you, this time, no one will be able to prove me wrong about you. I know how amazing you could be now, how endearing you could be. No one will ever make me change my mind about you again.<br/>I love everything about you. </p><p>Every single part—no more, no less.</p><p>No one could tell me otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tuliro

I thought wrongly of you once, and I am never going to make the same mistake again. Because while it worked the first time I met you, this time, no one will be able to prove me wrong about you. I know how amazing you could be now, how endearing you could be. No one will ever make me change my mind about you again.

I love everything about you. Every single part—no more, no less.

No one could tell me otherwise.

I remember the first time I met you. To be honest, I really thought you were good for nothing. I thought horrible things about you—about how weak you were, how useless you were, how untalented you were. I questioned your worth, and I even said my accusations aloud for everyone to hear. You told me that it was okay for me to think that, since everyone else thought the same and that it was true anyway. You forgave me so easily. But, I couldn’t forgive myself for that.

How could I have said all that when I knew nothing about you? All I knew was your name and the fact that you are in the same string as me. I ate my words, you know. I swallowed them whole, and choked on them. You were not weak—you were strong, stronger than me. You were not useless—you helped out on so many things. You were not untalented—you were just different from all of us. How could I have questioned your worth then, when presently, you are worth everything to me?

But, you wouldn’t like it if I tortured myself for looking down on you, so, I will do my best not to show you my guilt.

You are really amazing. How is it possible, that in less than ten minutes, you make me change my mind about you? On the way home, after that practice game, I told myself that I would like to be good friends with you. Of course, back then I meant I wanted to be good friends with all of the regulars—collectively. I wonder when I started wanting to become closer to you than anyone else? It was as if one day, I wanted to hang out with you and everyone at the convenience store, and the next day, I wanted to hang out with you and you alone.

Anywhere was fine, as long as it was just you and me.

But really, I was satisfied just being with you, even if there was a whole crowd with us.

And, before I noticed it, I have been looking forward to every moment that I get to see you.

Whether it was in the gym, along the hallway, in the classroom, or on the street, I would always light up when I see you. I would shout your name in greeting, every single time. Most of the time, you would greet me back. Sometimes, you would look at me as if I was a nuisance. Occasionally, you would purposely ignore me. Let me tell you though; no matter how you treated my existence, I never got tired of calling your name.

(It still hurt whenever you ignored me, though.)

You could be so cold sometimes, cruel too, but I’m okay with this. Let them call me a masochist, it’s fine. I am happy enough that I could become the focus of your attention for a while; I do not care if they think I’m weird. If I could be the source of your amusement even just for a second, I would be happy. As long as you let me be with you, I won’t mind your coldness at all.

Just don’t stop me from being with you. Don’t tell me to go away. It hurts more to be away from you than to be made fun of.

When it started, I did not understand what I felt about you whenever I saw you. At first, I thought it was just my excitement from I see a good friend on the street or from simply being able to spot you—you were practically invisible, after all. Calling out to you so easily, I thought my feelings were completely platonic. But as time passed, I realized it was getting harder and harder to say your name without hesitating—no, I was not having second thoughts, but was more unable to speak. Words fail to escape my lips just as I see you. I was frozen every single time.

I was dazed at the sight of you, and I did not know what to do.

I think it is only by habit that I am able to break out of my daze and call out your name like usual. Still, the few seconds that I was unable to speak made me wonder what was happening to me. And as it happened more often, my mind came up with an array of reasons—some of them are just ridiculous. Even the _actual_ reason seemed ludicrous. But, as often became always, the _actual_ reason that was ludicrous became sensible.

Eventually, _actual_ reason became truth. There was no reason to doubt it anymore.

I was always dazed at the sight of you simply because I like you.

I like you, and no one could tell me otherwise.

Soon, I started noticing all your little quirks. What you liked, what you disliked. How you spoke, how you moved. What expression you would and would not make. I loved memorizing them and catching you—and everyone—by surprise for knowing them. I knew them, some of them I probably just made up in my mind. But, why? Is this really what liking someone does to you? I couldn’t forget about you. I thought about you for almost every day, until I went to bed.

Even my dreams are filled with you.

Some dreams... I would rather not mention, but most of the time I would just dream about the usual you. Just you in all sorts of situations; you reading in the library, you eating in the classroom, you playing on the court. Sometimes I would dream of you and I together just like I wanted us to be. We would be holding hands, or walking around together. Sometimes we would be huddling under a random ledge to shelter from the rain. We would be laughing together, we would be kissing. I wish all my dreams would only be about you. Whenever I had a normal dream, I would always wake up lonely even if it were a good dream.

I want to be with you for every waking moment. That way, I would never feel lonely in the morning.

At least, even if it’s just in my dreams, I got to spend my mornings with you.

Of course, when those dreams began, it became even harder to call out your name. Particularly when my dream was... not very innocent, I could not keep myself from becoming flustered in public. I would blame you for being so cute during your... passionate times, but I do not want to tell you what those passionate times are, else you distance yourself from me. I didn’t want you to hate me for liking you.

Despite how much I felt for you, I didn’t want you to know.

Again, I am at a loss as to how I would act around you. It was totally against my character, but I do not want it to stop. I already liked you this much. No one can stop me. Even if I am slowly reduced to a stammering idiot, I will never change my mind about you. So, I’ll let habit take over instead, and call out to you like usual.

But, what is this sensation? I can’t get you out of my head. There are times when I can’t even focus on the things I do because I could only think of you. Well, I was not really good at studying to begin with, but I could not believe that my mind is still preoccupied during work. My co-workers tell me that I wasn’t any different from normal; that, in fact, I seemed more inspired lately. It looked like my liking you was doing me good after all.

Even when I finally realized that I could not compete with your light, I still thought of you. I thought, as long as I played with you, as long as I was on the same team as you, I would be happy. I could still share the same memories with you, I could still see your quiet smiles, even if you saw me no more as a teammate, no more as a friend. I hope you didn’t hate me for playing around during the games. If I had acted any differently from the rest, it would be obvious that I felt differently for you, right?

But, it seemed like I made a mistake.

When I found out that you had resigned from the club, I was devastated. For the first time, I experienced the pain of being nowhere near you. Though you still went to the same places, I could never see you. Where I usually saw you on the way to school, you weren’t there at all. I couldn’t call out to you, where were you? I didn’t know what to do. Even without seeing you, I still thought of you. I couldn’t be stopped.

Even without seeing you, I was still dazed by you.

And then, graduation passed, I still didn’t see you. It’s painful. I think I would’ve liked it more if you told me to go away than for you to leave without saying anything.

I had to see you. I had to see you, no matter what.

Did my surprise visit really surprise you? Honestly, though I knew what high school you went to, I did not dare to go see you for no reason. Even if it were just a shallow motive, I would jump at the chance. So, when I heard we were having a practice game with your school, I was excited. I could finally see you. I could finally be with you again...

I should have been more careful when I went to your school the first time. I walked in too carelessly. I attracted too much attention. I really didn’t mean to do that, I just wanted to see you sooner. Just, watching you practicing with your new teammates in a daze got me in so much trouble. I didn’t realize the all those people had followed me, I swear.

Still, you greeted me, “It’s good to see you again.”

Once again, I didn’t know what to do. I’m really relying on my social habits too much when it comes to starting a conversation with you. So, I answered a simple, “Good to see you.”

Did you notice? Did you notice how nervous I was seeing you, talking to you like that? Or did you just brush it off as my natural composure when I’m surrounded by fans? I don’t know anymore. Since you left the club, I didn’t know whether I wanted you to notice it or not anymore.

I didn’t expect to meet your new light so soon though. I never expected you to find a new light, actually. Then I remember what you always said, what our teammates always said; a shadow could not exist without light. You wouldn’t be on the court otherwise. For once, I let jealousy take over, and I slipped.

Hey, did you notice? I was really serious when I told you that I wanted to play together again. At that moment, I wanted to take you away—you were wasted there, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. Why did you choose him? You needed to be with someone stronger. But, what was I thinking then? I thought I was strong enough to be with you instead. I decided that I would show you. I would show you just how stronger I was now, compared to before.

But, I lost.

I still liked you though. I lost the game. It was the game, not my feelings. That, and I still did not understand why you would be with him. I had to talk to you. I had to know why you didn’t want to be with me. You noticed it already, didn’t you? Why would you apologize otherwise? Forgive me, I lost grip on my emotions. I didn’t mean to make you guilty.

“I’m kidding.” I told you that. I hope you bought it. I hope you thought I was just being dramatic. I hope you would forget my little slip. Please ignore my feelings. If they only make you sad, I would rather you write it off as a bad joke. This time, definitely, I hope you never find out about my true feelings. You don’t have to know. I’ll be fine like this, liking you from a distance. I wouldn’t be stopped. I like you. No one could tell me otherwise.

What do I do now? I still didn’t know what to do after deciding to hide my liking you. Somehow, calling out to you just isn’t enough anymore. With you getting happier and happier each time I see you, a part of me is celebrating and another is not.  The sight of you still stuns me; for a shadow, you do a pretty good job with shining brightly in my eyes. You really are amazing.

Now, months have passed. Our middle school days seemed so far away. Hey, what is this sensation? I can’t seem to settle my thoughts, I can’t keep myself planted in one place when you’re near. I’m still calling out to you whenever I see you. I still look forward to the occasional times we could be together. I still dream about you. I like you now more than ever.

And right now, you are right beside me. I just forced myself to sit beside you though. I don’t know what to do now, so I just watch you as you drink your vanilla shake. Your light is eating his burgers just across from you on this table. I hope I’m not making a funny face, because you look troubled. I couldn’t help it, I was happy to be with you.

“Kurokocchi.” I utter unconsciously, and you look at me.

You put down your drink and say, “Yes, Kise-kun?”

I chuckle. God, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, I just thought you looked cute. You always looked happy when you were drinking that. It doesn’t show much though—just a small twinkle in your eyes and a bare tilt on your lips. Will you think it’s creepy when I told you this? You will, won’t you? So I won’t say it.

It’s better if you knew nothing about my feelings. You don’t have to know that I love everything about you. Every single part—no more, no less. People will say I’m only hurting myself for liking you like this. I’m sorry, I love you so much. I won’t stop loving you.

No one could tell me otherwise.

“Kise-kun?”

“It’s nothing.” I say, smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> Tuliro is a Filipino word that roughly means dazed or stunned. It is commonly applied in situations where a person is unable to respond immediately or properly.
> 
> Hello! I wrote another one, oh my goodness. This time it's KiKuro. I hope you liked it, despite my mistakes. Especially in Kise's character. I'm so sorry.
> 
> This is also on Tumblr and FanFiction under the same username!


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